Bus Kontrol

I confess, I’m an unapologetic leech on Belgrade’s public transportation system. For the first few months I was here, I was careful to always buy tickets (about 30 dinars) and conscientiously punched them like a good citizen for every single ride. After a few times where I wasn’t able to do so, I discovered the cheap thrill of trying to spot and evade bus controllers as they get on, thinking I was some sort of Jason Bourne super-sneaky illegal bus rider. As if. Over enough time without ever seeing one though, I started to let my guard down more often, and ended being busted a few times.

Nowadays, I never bother with tickets. While I agree that somebody has to pay for the privilege of public transportation, and tickets are just a form of taxation, I figure that I basically balance out, karmically and financially speaking, with those rare occasions when I do get caught and fined. The amount I pay then is probably relatively close to what I would pay if I was still buying tickets for every ride. And yes, I know you can get more useful month-long passes, but really, I just can’t be bothered to go battle the bureaucracy down at the GSP center to get this done. I’m sure there are many elusive stamps to obtain and many absurd, made up reasons why foreigners shouldn’t/can’t ride the buses to dispute.

I use the buses/trolleys/trams daily and go all over the place in the city, and statistically speaking, I have to conclude there just aren’t that many controllers working the lines. I often go for months at time without ever seeing a single one. However, when it rains, it pours. My luck with the controllers is kind of like that old urban myth about plane crashes, and how they always come in threes. When I do get caught, it usually happens 2-3 times in the same week. Maybe there are controller “surges” or they have to fill end-of-the-month quotas or something, and thus intensify their efforts in certain periods.

When you get busted, you can pay the fine on the spot, which costs roughly just under 2000 dinars, or you can have them mail you your fine, a more expensive but convenient alternative.
I would say I’ve been busted about 5 or 6 times total in my 2 years + here. The first time, I paid it on the spot, thinking that was the only thing you could do. Once I learned you could have your fine mailed to you, I went with that option for the next 2 or 3 times.

On one occasion, I had a particularly bad time with a highly aggressive and persistent controller who categorically refused to write me the mail-in fine. He *insisted* that I pay on the spot, or I was going straight to jail. He was big, mean, rude and very persuasive, and I was taken by surprise and embarrassed about having an argument in English with him on the crowded 31 bus, so I didn’t put up much of a fight and ended up actually taking him to an ATM where I withdrew the necessary funds. He was a mean fucker, and I should have known better, since I was actually within my rights and he was just pushing for some fast cash, he didn’t even write me a receipt for the ticket.

The next control, I was again pushed for cash up front, but having learned my lesson from the previous time (which occurred, karmically again, just days before, so I was fresh with outrage over having been possibly cheated before and just generally treated rudely, and thus was in better fighting form), I knew the law was indeed on my side and was able to argue my case successfully. I was rather proud of myself. It went something like this:

“You must pay!”

“I don’t have enough cash, just write me the ticket and send it to this address” (show white police registration card).

“No, I can’t send it to you, this is not your name (pointing to my landlady’s name on the card), it is your mistake, not hers, you must pay now.”

“Neeee, I know the law, and you must write me the ticket by mail if I can’t pay.”

“As you wish, I call police now.”

“Yes, that is a good idea, you do that, and I will call my lawyer, and he will call his friend at the police station, who also knows me personally, and then we will see who has better “veza” (connections) in this city, ah?” (pull out phone and start dialing).

I was *totally* bluffing, but I didn’t flinch for a second or let my body language show any sign of distress, and it worked. He thought about it all for a second, decided I wasn’t bullshitting, grunted and wrote up the ticket and receipt with a nasty look. I win!

That was many months ago, and since then I haven’t had any encounters with controllers. It was the latest one that ambushed me just yesterday that made me think of this whole pointless drivel.

I was minding my own business on the bus, and suddenly a wallet with an ID is thrust in my face. Obviously, I have no ticket. Busted. I didn’t say a word, and nonchalantly just handed him my white card and ID (from a foreign country, full of confusing, hard-to-read detailed info in English) and hoped he would get the idea and just write me the ticket. He scanned both documents for a good long minute, handed them back to me, and…

Walked away. I looked up at him at that moment like “huh?” and, lo and behold, he actually smiled and *winked* at me as he walked away. Cool! I win again.

Although, I think someone needs English lessons…

Incidentally, that encounter set off a bizarre sort of chain reaction, as no less than three other random people *winked* at me in the course of that same day, in different situations. Good hair day, I guess.

That’s pretty much all I have to say about being controlled on the bus. Oh yeah, that, and the fact that none of the mailed fines have ever actually reached my mailbox, for some reason :)